How fascinating.
Anyway, I'm feeling like a nun. My best buddies are all finding love/getting together. Except me. I'm actually enjoying being on the outside looking in, being the go-between, being the friend to sit around, give a different perspective and listen. ANd besides- I really want to prove Gordon wrong. That guy is SO cynical! *lol* 2.5 months, dude! You're on!! Actually Clare raised a really interesting point the other day on how I could bypass the clauses and still win the bet. But it has 2 problems:
1. It seems kind of...well... wrong.
2. He's not into Asian chicks anyway.
But it was interesting to speculate.
Jared's promised me that he's gonna work me to death next year cos I GET TO START CLINICAL!!!!!!!!!!!! He's got to be one of the nicest, coolest guys I know on this planet. He's taking me on when he's an intern- I get to go on ward rounds with him, do IVs, see/do everything first hand... OMG~ it's so going to absolutely rock! And he's thinking Charlie's at the moment, which makes it all the better for me.
Exams coming up in 4 weeks. SO if you catch yourself wondering where's Chelle gone- it prolly means she's shaking in her boots studying. 'Nuff said.
Want acoustic guitar!!!!!!!!!! *hoping*
[cHeLLe]...signing off
3:00 AM
Hm...all sorting out.
Spent all last night in Gordon's room playing his guitar and searching for tabs on the net. One day he's gonna teach me how to read tabs and I'll teach him how to strum fancy! Actually, I haven't had this much fun in a while- good clean fun in fact. Just bumming around having philosopical discussions and figuring out how to play Time of Your Life and Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I have a bet going on with him that I"m going to last a minimum of 2.5 months off guys. He thinks I can't do it. I think I can! We shall meet up when I come back from Singapore and he comes back from NZ. The stakes are 5 seasons of SCRUBS. Ooooooh yeah!
I wonder if I can con anyone into buying me a really good acoustic guitar... ...
Having fun but exams in 4 weeks. Have already been studying shitloads but don't seem to be getting anywhere. *PANIC*
--------later----------
Lots of people have been telling me today that I seem to have suddenly grown up over Rural Week. That I seem to be about 2 years older than I was a week ago. It can't just be some people being strange cos it's like a general consensus...
I dunno. I reckon I have changed after Rural Week. All that identity crisis and philosophical discussion thingies have had an effect on me. I look at things slightly differently now... and I'm finally being smart and following Michael's First Rule For Surviving Uni: "DON'T BE A DICKHEAD. If it hurts, DON'T DO IT AGAIN!". Yes Michael. Will take note of that.
Had a slightly strange conversation with Anthony today:
A: You seem older all of a sudden (etc etc... follow train of previous thought).
M: Issit? *whatever*
Later...
A: Wow. *looks around* Your room looks... wrong.
M: Why?
A: I dunno... I expected more posters. More crap on the walls. *image of walls completely smothered with posters* It seemed to fit your personality.
M: I think you're having quite a couple of your impressions of me overturned today, hey?
A: Yeah.
Just as a sidenote, I did a handwriting analysis with Gordon- and I find it pretty accurate as to what I am able to see of myself subjectively... just thought I'd also share it with everyone else... ...
M has a healthy imagination and lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.
M has difficulty trusting anyone. In fact, she trusts no one completely. This is a result of her trust being betrayed in the past. She has closed up, thus ceasing to allow close friendships. M truly wants close friends and desires physical relationships, but she fears she will get hurt, again. She is lonely, yet has a crying need for close friends. This trait can cause much unhappiness. However, it can be changed.
M is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.
M is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. M basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.
Because M has sharp needle pointed 'm' and 'n' humps, she has a very sharp mind. She instantly sizes up situations, making instant decisions. She thinks and evaluates circumstances very rapidly. Many people with this type of mind are geniuses, thus she may be seen as highly intelligent. M is often irritated by slow talkers or slow thinkers. If she drives, she gets irritated by slow drivers in the fast lane. She quickly becomes bored when being taught on the level of the slowest student in class. She may be on problem number three when the rest of the class is on problem one. M is curious and very active. In fact, in school she might have been a trouble maker because she thought so much faster than the other kids, she finished her work first, thus having plenty of time on her hands to make trouble!
Diplomacy is one of M's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. M can disagree without being disagreeable.
M is talkative. She enjoys talking and socializing. She may talk when there is absolutely nothing important to say. She enjoys speaking.
M is sensitive to criticism about her ideas and philosophies. She will sometimes worry what people will think if she tells them what she believes in. This doesn't mean she won't talk, or that she feels ashamed. It merely means she is sensitive to what others think, regarding her beliefs.
M is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes. M will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls M an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. M is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. M is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.
People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, M doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.
[cHeLLe]...signing off
7:45 PM
FINALLY
FINALLY.
Finally finally finally finally. God you took forever!
Finally there.
To all you out there that have reassured me:
Thanks for all you've done. Thanks for telling me I'll be alright, that I can get it all back together again. I've been to both extremes today, and it ended with a climax. I'm happy. Again.
I wonder how you guys put up with me... every time I go through my blog I see myself as a moody, changable person. Which I believe that I am not! But what I believe and what people perceive me as are 2 completely different things. It's like not knowing what your own voice actually sounds like.
To all my friends:
Tam>> What could I do without you? I'd have no one to tell absolutely everything to. I'd have no one the laugh at/with, to discuss my exploits with, to review my life with, to tell me when I'm compromising and being compromised. No one to tell me to take a step back and look again, to calm down and look again. Who taught me that real friends are worth more than popularity.
Karen>> You've been with me since we've been babies, and no matter how much/little we communicate, there's an unspoken bond between us. We'll always be able to take up where we left off!
Clare>> The chick who's as crazy and immature as I can be, only worse. Who is always willing to listen to my problems, and who trusts me in return. who I live 3 rooms away from and puts up with my constant bursting into her room and talking. Who doesn't scream when I end up waking her up at 3.30am in the morning. Thanks for being my friend and standing by me when times have been bad.
FLick>> For offering a naive view on everything! For being willing to rearrage whatever i'm thinking so it makes sense.
Tiff>> crazy and always smiling. Entertaining! *LOL* "Nuff said.
Michael>> Thanks for listening and talking 3 nights straight in a row till 4 am. For taking care of me when I was somewhat otherwise occupied. For sharing experiences and telling me not to be a dickhead. For sharing my (as he calls it) "teenage angst".
Jace>> Sorry that I get pissed off at you so often. I get scared easily and I guess I have my own issues learning to trust. I remember all I've promised and I'll help you in figuring what you're gonna do next. Trust me in return and talk to me, and I'll be happy enough! *LOL*
Gordon>> for spilling the beans are providing a great atmos[here for me to thrive in. Again thanks for listening and taking, for offering me guy perspectives and helping me make decisions and resolutions.
^_^
[cHeLLe]...signing off
12:15 AM
You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!
